If only

If only I’d talked less lost weight sailed worn tighter jeans made a joke drank less been to New York watched the footy had that nose job flirted worn mascara gone to the gym knew who won the motor racing discussed world politics been a blonde owned a dog had an interesting job painted sponsored a third world child worn earrings whitened my teeth cooked puddings been a different person

he wouldn’t have left

 

White dress

You may sit with folded hands in lap
and mona lisa smile,
so still and calm.

But I see what you write.
You slash at throats
and gouge out eyes.

Be careful of your white dress,
there is blood on the keyboard.

 

Like water

I always knew you were like water
and I cupped my hands so tight
I felt sure I could contain you

But you seeped away
and when I looked
there was nothing there

Just wet hands
from my tears

 

Waiting

Waiting in the shadows
for the sun to rise

The bitter wind
gropes inside my shirt

I strain to see
the outlines of the trees

Then I wonder
if I just imagine them

A blush stains the horizon
a teasing promise

Maybe the sun
will rise today

I’ll feel the glow on my face
and kisses on my skin

Or maybe it’s still winter
in the arctic circle

 

The blood quickens

Sitting indoors by the heater
watching the flowers in the vase wilt
channel surfing with a cup of tea
picking lint off bed socks
cat snoring on my lap

The walls pressed hard against my chest
the blood in my head pounded
Through a crack in the curtains
I saw the trees bend in the wind
while Lucy and her umbrella went flying by

Cat screeched as I leapt up
tore off sweater and socks
flung front door wide
till it shuddered on its hinges
and cracked plaster from the wall

Running downhill
with the wind at my back
skidding on hailstones
splashing cars as I leapt
towards the angry sea

Like a high-wire artist
I tiptoed along the sea wall
never looking at the rocks below
while the sea spray needled my face
and my blood quickened

 

Wounds

I will unwrap you gently
peel away bloodied bandages
and bathe you in rosewater

You can sit in the sun
and I will walk past
and kiss you softly on the neck

But remind me
not to hug you too tight
while your bones are knitting

And one day we will wrestle like bear cubs
biting and scratching
to make new wounds

 

Taste

Close your eyes, darling, he said,
and I will feed you slices of sweet crisp apple

So I sat and gorged on the luscious fruits
of ripe autumn love

Till I realised he'd vanished
and I opened my eyes

To see the potato peelings
littering the cold winter floor

 

The shape of pain

I told you,
when the pain is too great
let me bring my scalpel
and trace a pattern in your arms
to match the cuts in your heart

You replied, you cannot
for only I know the shape
of the pain you gave me
Let this be the first thing
I do without you

So I watched from the doorway
as you parted your skin
to let the bleeding heart escape
Do you still have the scars, my love,
or did they heal when you met her?

 

The bubble

It started as indigestion
A rumbling in her stomach
The discomfort of wind

She wanted to burp
as she felt it rising
in her throat

Then the bubble appeared
and hung on her lips
till she let it go

It shimmered irridescent
and floated at eye level
threatening to pop

As she touched it lightly with her finger
and felt it splatter over her face
she wasn't yet sure

Whether it was hope
that misted her pores
with a spritz of refreshment

Or bitterness
that stung her skin
with its bile

She hestitated a moment
before deciding
which she would choose

 

Water

When first he spoke to her
it felt like a light summer shower
on a burning day
so fresh and cool and clear

She wanted to hear
that liquid voice forever
soothing the jagged edges
of her brutal world

And when they made love
she heard thunder
rolling inside her body
from the storm of his passion

Until the nights he burst in
enveloped in a dark cloud
spitting lightning
that singed her skin

And in the mornings
she stepped out of bed
into a puddle
of her tears

Gulping mouthfuls
of the flood
that surrounded her
as he raged and sweated

Till she feared drowning
in the melting misery
while refusing to learn
how to swim

 

 

© 2010 All Rights Reserved